The Running Whys – Nicola Cassidy
You might remember Nicola Cassidy from the 2013 Marathon By The Sea. She says she hugged nearly everyone she saw that day after completing her first half marathon, conquering the doubts and the demons and celebrating what was to be her one and only attempt at the distance. Funny thing is, after a break, some reflection, perspective and more training, she committed to four half marathons in 2014 as well as the 12 km distance at MBTS. What follows is her story filled with humour, emotion and inspiration.
Enjoy
It all started in 2012 as a challenge. My co-worker, who had run several marathons and triathlons, was about to start instructing a Learn to Run clinic. He challenged those in our office to join. He promised to give us back our registration fee if we completed the clinic. I decided to do it. Those first few clinic nights were difficult. My instructor (who is also my work boss) asked us that first night why we wanted to run. I was turning 50 that year and decided I wanted to be able to run a 5km race by the summer. I also wanted to be healthy and fit. I had always been active and an advocate of wellness and physical activity but to run for 10 minutes without stopping seemed impossible. My stubborn nature and the cajoling from my co-worker kept me from quitting.
What happened next was something I didn’t expect. I actually started to like running. It surprised me because I was the first one to complain about having to run at night after a long day at work. I complained in the sun. I complained in the rain. If it wasn’t for the support and the new friendships that I made, I’m not sure I would have continued. As I gained a little more strength and confidence, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I could actually do this thing. This running thing.
I still didn’t understand the obsession “real” runners had but I was literally on my way. I completed the clinic and ran a respectable 31-minute 5km race. My very first race only months after I started to run! I was on fire. Crossing that finish line was like winning the lottery. At that point I thought well, I have achieved my little goal so I don’t need to go any further. I still had that in my head as I signed up for a 5km and then a 10km training clinic. As luck would have it, two of my running buddies from the Learn to Run clinic signed up with me. We kept each other going and learned together how to find our pace, improve our speed and increase our endurance. My running form was improving and I was at the head of the group. I was confident, feeling great, losing weight and gaining muscle and thought myself invincible. I was running 5 to 6 times a week. I finally broke the 30 minute mark with a 23 minute 5km and that’s when the wheels came off.
I started to have a nagging twinge in my right hip. I ignored it and kept running. Soon I was dragging my leg a bit and limping after a run. It wasn’t going away no matter how much I willed it so I went to my doctor. Hip flexor strain from over-training was the cause. Never a supporter of running, her recommendation was to stop it altogether. She might as well have told me to stop breathing. So I did what most runners do. I bought new running shoes instead. Thinking that would fix everything, I continued to train but at a slower pace. The pain eased up and I went right back to my old routine. Again the hip flared up.
Nicola Cassidy completed the Hypothermic half marathon earlier this year in Moncton.
Apparently, I’m a slow learner. So I stopped running for a while. At this point I had finished two more clinics. I resigned myself that 10km was going to be the longest distance I could ever run. After a couple of months of rest with a few short runs sprinkled in between, some physiotherapy and some much needed soul searching, my hip was feeling good. Somewhere along the way I had a burst of confidence and signed up for a half marathon clinic. The goal race was the 2013 Marathon by the Sea in Saint John. My training was slow and I literally thought I wasn’t getting anywhere. I worried about my hip. I worried about my mental preparedness. I worried my 20 plus years as a vegetarian was not giving me the strength I needed, so I worried about my diet (completely unfounded). I worried about the hilly course in the Port City. I worried that my bout with depression was more of a challenge to my running than I suspected. I poured over running blogs, magazine articles and Facebook groups trying to figure out what was holding me back. All these negative things kept floating in my brain. I am still not sure what kept me going. Finally I think I just let go. I started to have fun running again. I stopped obsessing. I still had hip issues and mental issues but I had a vision of that finish line and I wanted to cross it. Upright and with a smile (I have that written on a tag on my shoe).
The thing about running your first half marathon is that it will always be your first personal best time. I kept that in mind as I ran those hills. I used the 10-minute running with 1-minute walking routine. I had completed a 23km training run so I knew I could do the half marathon physically. My fueling strategy was lacking as I have trouble eating very much before a long run but I had lots of water, some gummies and I knew there was lots of Gatorade along the course. The mental strategy was another story. As is the case with most runners, I battled constantly with negative thoughts. “This was going to be my one and ONLY half marathon. I can’t possibly run up another hill. What was I thinking? Why didn’t I eat more? Less? What the hell is in my shoe that’s bugging me? I think my running bra may be inside out. Why did I ever think I could do this? I wonder if anyone will notice if I just lie down here for a while and die. Just let me cross that finish line and not crawl. I will never run anything longer than 10km again. I’m serious about that point. I’m not a “real” runner so what was I doing in this race?”
As I rounded that last corner after what seemed to be a million hills and saw the finish line, I had what every exhausted distance runner has. That sweet relief that this hell was over. That satisfaction that I did this crazy thing and survived. That extra burst of energy. I zoomed across that beautiful finish mat yelling, fist pumping and smiling so much I thought my face would split in two. I cried. I hugged the volunteer as she put the medal around my neck. I hugged the complete stranger who was clapping. I hugged the reporter who wanted to interview me for the local paper. I hugged my sweet husband who had put up with my whining and complaining and who never once lamented my absence on those early Sunday morning long runs. I hugged my running friends who had already finished and I hugged my 2 brothers and their families who had travelled there to watch me run – one of them from Vancouver. My time at age 51 was 2:33 and change. I had limped part of the way and I walked when I needed it. I pulled from every reserve I had. I even cursed a few times when faced with another hill but I kept going. I was satisfied and proud but that was to be my one and only half marathon. I finished the year with a few more shorter runs and garnered the first annual NB tri-city medals. I took a much needed break.
Then I participated in a run on January 1st, 2014. It was a new year. A fresh start.
Nicola Cassidy shows her medal after completing the 10 kilometre race at the Blue Nose marathon earlier this year in Halifax.
I set another goal: Four half marathons in one year plus a whack of shorter runs. I signed up for another half marathon clinic. This was my first go at winter training. I soon discovered that we Canadians are tough. And a wee bit crazy. Training runs in -25C weather is not for the faint of heart. One epic long run of 18km will be forever etched in my brain. Freezing rain, slippery road conditions, stinging drops on a ridiculously long uphill course. I had to beat the ice off of my jacket to lessen the drag (as if I was going fast enough to cause drag). All of it done with equally wacky running friends and we smiled the whole way even when drivers hurled insults at us. The training went well. My second half marathon was done in -26C temperatures but under sunny skies and it was FUN. I had another personal best and shaved 15 minutes off my time from the half in Saint John.
Since then, I have completed two more half marathons with another one to go in the summer of this year. After the four half marathons are completed, my dance card will be dotted with shorter runs and some much needed rest. My racing calendar is pretty full for 2014. I recently completed a 10k run as a member of Team Diabetes. Raising money for charity while running is a match made in heaven for me. It gives meaning to those many kilometres. I am looking forward to returning to Saint John to run in the 20th year of the Marathon By The Sea. That event will always have a soft spot in my heart. It was where I conquered doubt, fear, pain and the urge to quit. Once again, I am battling some injuries including a bout with plantar fascitis and now a bit of runner’s knee but I will run the 12km race there as best as I can. After all, I am a “real” runner now.
Despite the trials and tribulations, what I have gained from running is immeasurable. Some family and friends shake their heads and question why I run. I respond that I know what my body can do now. I know my limits and my strengths. I have more confidence and this no-meat-athlete has nothing to prove to anyone but herself. I’m not sure if that knowledge comes from age or a sudden flash of brilliance (I’m hoping for the latter). I also love Guinness beer, chocolate and bread too much to sit still. If you see me on the trails please wave or give a thumbs up. Don’t worry, I’ll be going slow enough to wave back. After all, every runner needs a little love and encouragement.
P.S. I just signed up for another half marathon race in 2015. I’m also thinking of training for a full marathon. Good grief.
